12.18.2008

you can always get what you want

ok - this story is too good to leave off the blog.
i don't care that it didn't happen in my store, or even my district. trust me - this is great:

every few years each bux gets a major remodel. usually that means a fresh coat of paint, new artwork, new furniture, and updated pastry cases and shelves.
it just so happens that in this particular bux, there is a regular who really, REALLY loved the comfy chairs. he would come in every morning, ask for a venti iced water (that's right - he never bought drinks), claim a comfy chair and camp out on it for several hours. apparently he was a budding sitcom writer.
no, he didn't ACTUALLY write for sitcoms. nor did he ever make money for any of his scripts. nonetheless, bux had become his workplace and everyday he came in for his venti water and his comfy chair.

now, you might have rightly guessed that he was very upset when this bux was closed for remodeling.
"how am i going to get any writing done!?!" he demanded of the baristas. "you are seriously messing with my flow!"
so, he eagerly awaited the re-opening of this bux so that he could settle into his comfy chair with a free water. imagine his devastation when he found his comfy chairs had been replaced with some not-so-comfy seats. he apparently raised the biggest stink because he could not write his sitcoms while sitting in the less-comfy chairs because it strained his back. he called the manager, the district manager, the regional manager and the starbucks customer complaint line. he brought in his own special padding to use and demanded the baristas keep the padding in their backroom because he couldn't be bothered to lug it back and forth everyday (you know - because of his bad back).
still, he continued to complain to everybody and anybody about his missing comfy chair. he told corporate that he was going to sue.
SUE!
he felt a lawsuit was necessary because (please stay with me here):
he couldn't write in the new chairs because they made his back hurt
which meant he couldn't make any money
which meant he couldn't afford to take his girlfriend out
which meant she didn't want to date him anymore
which meant he became depressed when she dumped him
which meant he had to pay for therapy
which meant he would also have to pay for anti-depressants
which meant he would no longer be an effective sitcom writer since he was going to be taking medication
which meant he couldn't realize his dream as a sitcom writer

want to know what bux did?
they CAVED!

that's right - they searched high and low, far and wide to find him his precious comfy chair. and NO ONE ELSE was allowed to use his chair, which meant the poor baristas had to bring out the chair for him when he arrived, and carry it back to their backroom when he left.

so, to recap, a non-paying regular who would spend hours camped out at bux (occupying a chair that should have been for paying customers) managed to get what he wanted from corporate by threatening to sue.

i have to laugh, or else i'll cry.

barista rant: no, i will not sell you one of our red aprons. it doesn't matter how funny your girlfriend will think your gag gift is, we will not sell it to you. don't wave your twenty dollar bill at us and expect us to chance losing our jobs so that you and your girlfriend can have a giggle on christmas morning. don't act like we're stupid for not being tempted by your money, and don't insult us by saying we don't know the value of a dollar. WE are not the ones spending twenty bucks on a laugh.

20 comments:

SkippyMom said...

I'm surprised the second guy didn't sue you for your apron. I mean think of the emotional devastation of not being able to make his girlfriend laugh!

I honestly cannot believe the audacity of the first guy. The sense of entitlement. It boggles.

Emily said...

My mom was once the middle car in a three-car pileup that happened at about 5 mph (someone hit her, making her hit the person in front of her).

Exactly two years later (the last date you could file a lawsuit), she got a notice that she was being sued because . . .

THE ACCIDENT HAD MADE HIM SO DEPRESSED THAT HE COULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE.

My mom, unlike the bux, wasn't having it, hired a lawyer, and found out the guy sued a couple of people a year for various ridiculous reasons. The case was thrown out.

RastaManErn said...

Capitualting to dumb and greedy customers just makes for more dumb and greedy customers.

At an entrecĂ´te restaurant here, a group of women began smoking (after the smoking ban had been lifted). The head waitress told them to put out the cigs because the restaurant was "non-smoking". The womens' reply: "We can smoke because there is no longer a ban, and we paid for our food, so we're going to smoke."

The waitress' reply: "There is a ban here, and you can leave. We can fill this place every night with or without you."

FWP said...

As funny as this story is it's also so very sad. I can't believe a big corp would give in to such an idiot. The same corp that will close a store and not worry about the staff, will worry about a jerk like this.
kinda makes you want to cry or hit the guy over the head with the chair.

Zoltar Panaflex said...

This is why Starbucks is tanking.

Nobody likes a date who is already bent over and ready when you ring the doorbell.

Julie said...

SERIOUSLY? I can't believe that Bux is so timid that they bowed down to a non-paying customer. It even would have been rediculous if they had bowed down to a paying customer. It isn't starbucks problem that he is (obviously) not a really great writer. That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.

LegalMist said...

If I worked there, I'd "accidentally" spill coffee on the chair every single shift. Even if he were sitting in it at the time. A little slip here, a trip there, a loose top over this way and next thing you know the chair has to be taken to the dump. =)

Anonymous said...

Grrr, if you're not paying, you're not a "regular," no matter how often you come in. Wait, scratch that. If the store isn't making money, you're not a regular. That includes the people who come in twice a day with their venti cup for their "refill," and raise a stink if you try to charge them for the actual drink.

Anonymous said...

Hey Brat would you mind citing a source for the chair man? I don't see anything related...

Anonymous said...

I would also like to see a source cited because I don't believe the story to be true. It seems that some one is trying to start an urban legend.

Hungry Bitch said...

Thats so fucking pathetic i want to puke. Seriously, take this guy out back and shoot him. Dont let a non-paying sofapotato fuck call the shots.

Manuel said...

beyond words.......Actually I can see my company caving too.....hey brat have a good christmas....

aria60 said...

If I worked there, I would do something disgusting to his chair. Here puppy! I have a new litter box for you...

Zoltar Panaflex said...

Regarding these comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Brat would you mind citing a source for the chair man? I don't see anything related...

9:21 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would also like to see a source cited because I don't believe the story to be true. It seems that some one is trying to start an urban legend.

How about you log in and not hide behind 'anonymous' - how about you just read the story? This isn't the Wall Street Journal you know. Search for your own cites if you require them and leave Brat alone. She's busy making your fussy drink to reference sources. Geez.

Anonymous said...

Have to comment on the guy in bux yesterday that wanted to return some chipped glass mugs - that bux had not carried for several years - for which he had no receipt - and how he argued with the mgr who explained patiently and repeatedly the bux policy and the fact that the item was years old and the guy had no receipt. I left before I heard whether he got his way or not.

Alice said...

This happened to me this morning, December 24th at 9:00 am in my local bux (mind you, not in the US)

I saw a barista running out of the store to a convenience store down the street and then running back with a bottle of Bailey's (you know, the liquor).

Turns out that a customer brought in his own tumbler and asked for a coffee in it. Then the barista saw that there was some liquid at the bottom and assuming it was dirty from a previous drink poured it out and washed it.

Then the customer went nuts and told the barista that he had some Baileys in there and basically that his Christmas eve morning was ruined. The barista decided to go out and purchase a bottle of Baileys and payed for it himself, poured the liquor into the tumbler and made the coffee drink. Then he gave the coffee and the bottle to the customer free of charge.

I could NOT believe it and I am still shocked, and I am not really sure what shocks me the most. The fact that the barista did all that or tha fact that this guy was drinking so early in the morning.

Grumpy Housewife said...

Holy cow. The story above my comment, as well as the Story Of The Chair, lead me to believe that people are a)stupid, and b)dickheads.

The chair guy should have been kicked in the head. Wait, that's probably what's wrong with him.

The Bailey's guy? WTF are you doing drinking so goddamned early in the morning? I probably will hit my bottle of bourbon at some point tonight....after I pick my husband up from work....and am safely home. I don't get people.

Chic Noir said...

lolrof at the nerve of this guy.

caffeinatedchum said...

I have at times used Starbucks to meet with students (I'm a private tutor), but I always feel obligated to buy something while I'm there. After all, it's a place of business and not a public library. When I'm there for longer than an hour or two, I always make sure to leave a hefty tip.

I can't believe a big corporation would give in to this bastard.

Anonymous said...

The bux across from my work has a great patio that gets filled up by "language students" who think it's a public park. No seats for us PAYING customers. They take up half the patio tables and not a single starbucks product to be seen. I know that I'd be the baddie if I ever mentioned this to the staff.