8.29.2007

high on love

doobie newbie has been making minor improvements each week.
amazingly, he now knows how many pumps of vanilla are in a grande latte, as well as remembering that refrigerator doors need to stay shut if they are to keep cool. he's shaved a full minute off the amount of time it takes him to clean the lobby, and he's even learned the difference between an iced mocha and a mocha frappuccino.

you might ask yourself why doobie newbie has turned over a new leaf.
could it be a new found sense of accomplishment?
a fully functioning extra brain cell?
a heart-to-heart from his parents?
no. no. and no.
there can be only one reason for this new transformation: he's in love.

that's right - doobie newbie is changing his ways for a woman.
who's the lucky girl?
well, that would be awesomely amazing barista.

"brat, have you noticed doobie newbie following you around more than usual lately?" she asked me after working three shifts in a row with him.
"no - actually he's been better about figuring out what needs to be done."
"that's weird," she wrinkled her nose. "he's been following me around a lot. even when i'm counting my till, he comes back there and just stands next to me."
"oh really?" i laughed, the image too funny for words.
"and the other day he called me and left a message on my cell but i didn't get a chance to listen to it."
"yeah?"
"so today he asked me if i got his message. i asked him why he called and he said 'oh you know, just to talk'. i thought that was so weird." she gave me a sideways look and shrugged her shoulders.
"maybe he has a crush on you?" i teased her.
"good god, i hope not." she grimaced.

but the next few days continued in the same vain. doobie newbie following her around and trying to chat her up each moment she was free.
"so, uh, you like movies?" he asked her while she was re-stocking cups.
"yep." she answered with only one word, trying not to prolong the conversation.
"uh, do you read any comic books?" he asked after a few minutes.
"nope." again she gave a minimal answer.

when it became painfully obvious that doobie newbie was fully enamoured with her, awesomely amazing barista made sure to talk a lot about her boyfriend whenever her admirer was around.

"so, uh, you have a boyfriend?" he asked with fallen face.
"yep."
"uh, even though you have a boyfriend, are you still allowed to hang out?" he asked hopefully.
"allowed? what do you mean 'allowed'?" she laughed.

so even though doobie newbie knows she's taken, he continues to follow her around, chat her up, and now is doing his best to improve his performance so that he can impress her. if he wasn't such a terrible barista, all this might actually be endearing.

barista rant: if you ask for the piece of coffee cake in the front of the pastry case - i'm going to give you the piece of coffee cake from the front of the pastry case. so don't holler and hoot, "no! i said the one if front! the one in front!" when i hand it to you. when i show you exactly where i got the coffee cake from, don't give me attitude and huff, "well, that's actually the one in back from where YOU'RE standing!". and when i explain that no matter where i'm standing, the front of the case is still the FRONT of the pastry case, don't grab the bag from my hand and complain about how rude i am.

17 comments:

Eric said...

Aww that's sad. I am sure I speak for every guy out there about empathising with the pain of an unrequited crush. The right thing for AAB to do would be to have a straight forward and frank talk with DN. With kindness and compassion and perhaps a word or two about not being stoked all the time might attract someone. Who knows thy just might wind up being pretty good friends. In that When Harry met Sally he pretty much wants to nail her anyway sort of way. But then that is true for all straight men

Monica said...

on doobie newbiie...that's kinda precious. is he a lot younger than her?

Eric said...

Actually let me rephrase that. It is true for all guys gay or straight. :)

Lorraine said...

Geez, Brat, I have hated working...I'm soooooo behind on my blog reading. Just wanted to say "hey".

SkippyMom said...

Boo!
Missed you so much...I am back, as much as I can steal computer time on the Squirrel's computer.

You are as funny and brilliant as ever. Missed ya' girly....

[and stick a big ol' finger through the bag on the coffee cake the next time, kay? I would...heehee]

Nice to smile with you again! Woohoo

Beth said...

That's so sweet.

6th Floor blog said...

My front or your front? No your other front!

Natalie said...

Unrequited love. How sad. And yet the moments you describe are so humorous.

Krys said...

Awwwww cute! And semi annoying, lol. Hopefully doobie newbie won't get his little heart broken.

Anonymous said...

aww, i'm rooting for doobie newbie :D love creates miracles doesn't it

my store has 2 couples xD although it's illegal, but working with a partner who's a 'partner' does give you a motivation boost x)

-fern from malaysia

JZintel said...

I always find asking a girl "Do you read comic books?" gets you the strangest looks and little to no action.

slskenyon said...

Poor kid--I feel bad for him more because he is too dense to figure out she's not interested, and perhaps even repulsed by him.

Manuel said...

love across the lattes, how very cute...

Moxie said...

Hell, if this little crush motivates the Doobster to improve his performance, I say good.

And now for my Bux Customer Rant: While I understand that you baristas need some motivation to make it through the last few hours of your shift, turn down the freakin' music! This is MY freakin' third place too, ya know, and in my third place, I can hear my MP3 player over Sting's wailing about being the King of Pain.

Manuel said...

My latest blog, have a peek...

I CAN HAS WAYTERS?

mellowlee said...

Aw, how cute! Seeing as this crush has improved his job performance, what do you think the chances are of her not breaking down and strangling the little bugger? haha!

jeremy said...

Sounds like a seriously over caffeinated crush. Also that he might be a little young. Still, all men go through that horribly awkward "perhaps I can win her with persistance" phase. It pains me to remember it.