8.16.2006

not tuesday - "sue"sday!

this morning a guy came in an ordered a grande tea with some added steamed soy. a little time consuming, but pretty easy to prepare nonetheless. he wasn't too friendly, but he wasn't an outright dick, either. at least not until ten minutes after leaving the store.

"dude!" one of our regulars exclaimed as he walked in the store. "there was, like, a total car accident outside."
we weren't surprised that we couldn't hear it because all partners suffer from 'blender deafness'.
"what happened?" we asked.
"some random dude was pulling out of his parking space and backed into a car that was driving by."

my fellow barista buddy went outside to see if anyone was hurt. when he came back into the store ten minutes later he was followed by 'grande tea with steamed soy' who was soaking wet. barista buddy handed him some clean towels to dry off.

"are you ok?" i asked, genuinely concerned.
"i'm pissed!" he growls. "look at this!" he spread his arms out so i could get an even better look at his wet clothes. "this car came out of nowhere when i was backing out of my space and my tea spilled everywhere!"
"do you need ice?" i didn't think he was burned, but i offered anyway.
"no, but are you guys going to pay to get my car cleaned and to replace my d&g shirt?"
i kid you not, the guy said 'd&g shirt'.
"i'd be happy to give you some towels to soak up the tea," i told him. "but we don't pay for car detailing or designer shirts."

can you tell i was losing my cool?

"well, this is all starbucks' fault! why shouldn't you guys pay?"
"how is this our fault? i saw the two cars, you clearly backed into the other guy." barista buddy piped up.
"yeah, but the accident happened because you didn't put the lid on my tea properly!" the customer lied.
"um, you said that you spilled the tea because of the accident. and also," i reminded him, "you put the lid on your tea after you added honey and tossed the tea bags."

don't mess with THIS barista brat!

"i should sue you guys, i really should!" he mistakenly thought the threat of a lawsuit would make us shake in our little non-slip work shoes. "that way you'd have to pay for the damage to both cars!"
"ok, i'll get the incident report form and we can fill it out together." i wasn't playing this game anymore.
"no, i'm not gonna stand around here and fill out some report!" he bellowed. "you'll be hearing from my lawyer!" he said before walking out the store with our towels.

to quote catherine tate: "am i bovvered?"

partner rant: how lazy can you get?!? you knew your shift included mopping the floors. did you really think using dirty mop water from the morning was going to be acceptable? did you not notice that rank and foul odor following you about as you lethargically dragged the mop on the floor? don't get pissed at me because i told you to redo it with fresh water. if your job was done properly the first time you wouldn't have to do it again, now would you?

10 comments:

Tom said...

I'm sorry I'm not believing that story. I mean, I know it happened, I know you're telling us the truth, but--whoa. Excuse me, I have to go puke on my D&G shirt.

Dale said...

...would make us shake in our little non-slip work shoes...I laughed at this and the ridiculous attitude on this twit.

And then you quoted Catherine Tate! How very dare you! :-)

Allan said...

That's hilarious...good thing you have a sense of humour. Good job getting him to waive the IR!

What is a d&g shirt? Can it be cleaned in fermenting mopwater?

Ben said...

What a dick he was. If you're reversing out of a parking space shouldn't you put your drink down, in a cup holder or something like that?

He doesn't stand a chance of sueing. They'll just laugh.

Peter said...

"yeah, but the accident happened because you didn't put the lid on my tea properly!"

boo-fucking-hoo

I love stuff like this. That guy didn't have a prayer. You just stood there and out-classed him. Awesome. You're my hero of the week Brat!

Beth said...

Oh, um, Brat? You've been tagged.

I'll come back post-vaca and read your latest posts.

Sling said...

I laughed so hard at your post I spilled my whiskey all over my collection of 19th century pornography!...You'll be hearing from my lawyer. :P

barista brat said...

tom - i think you're safe in canada. i hear they're a less bitchy lot up there.

dale - i've been hooked on catherine tate ever since i saw her show while i flew british air.

allan - i would love to ferment that guys dolce & gabanna shirt in mop water!

ben - i'm sure his threat was as empty as his cup after his tea spilled.

peter - brat's ego is inflating!

beth - have a great time!

sling - the funny thing is - i know you're not joking! haha.

James said...

Nicely done, Brat.

The Platypus said...

There haven't been enough lawyers licensed since the beginning of time to handle all the lawsuits planned by losers and malingerers hoping to hit a payday. When people come to the hospital talking about their plans to sue soemone, I always write it down in their chart in detail.