5.08.2006

not so manic monday

fun customer stories from today:

woman walks in, stands in line, makes it to the register and when asked her order she gets a blank look and says, "what am i doing? i already had coffee! i don't want coffee now, i want a smoothie!", then walks out.

teenage boy walks up to the register and asks for a caramel frappuccino.
"what size?"
"hey joe - what size can i have?" teenage boy asks his friend.
"whatever size you want," friend replies, then pays for teenage boy's drink.
"that's nice," i said. "not all friends will pay for someone's frappuccino habit."
"well, he's my bitch," friend says. "gotta keep him happy!"
to which teenage boy screams out, "I'M NOT GAY!"

older woman orders a latte and asks for it extra hot.
"well, not super hot, but hotter than regular. but not so hot it will burn me. i want it hot, but i want to be able to drink it right away, not have to wait too long for it to cool down. just make it real hot, but not too hot, ok?"

middle aged customer flirts with male barista making frappuccinos.
"hey, when you get to mine make sure it's not too watery. i like 'em thick." she said and licked her lips. "it's a good thing i don't work here because they'd fire me for sexual harassment." she continues. "i wouldn't be able to keep my hands off your buns!"
at which point male barista went to the backroom to hide.

barista rant: did you know starbucks is not a dojo, nor a public park? so why do you come in every day and ask for a "tai chi latte"? when we tell you the proper name you just shrug your shoulders and say, "as long as it's tai chi i'm happy." next time you ask for your tai chi latte i'm going to start doing katas - reeeaaaallll sssslllloooowwww.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

yayayayaya!!!!!
ha ha ha! i dont know karate, but i know carazy!!!!

silversonic said...

I must confess; even though I am nearly surrounded, I have never been to a Starbucks (unless you count the pared down version inside our Barnes & Noble).

I am a fan of Dunkin' Donuts coffee and coffee drinks and everything the little bux has at B & N, but I am WAY too intimidated to go into a 'big bux'.

The drink I like best at Dunkin' is their 'turbo hot'; it is coffee with 1-2 shots of espresso served extra hot, with a little sugar and cream. What is this in 'bux-ese'?

How can I go in and place an order for whatever I may want that day and not look like a freakin' idiot or piss off the barista? P.S. I am SUPER EASY to please and wouldn't even care if something wasn't what I asked for as long as it was caffeinated... HELP!!!!

barista brat said...

hey silversonic!

if you add your own cream and sugar, then ordering a red eye (coffee with 1 shot espresso) or a black eye (coffee with 2 shots espresso) would be your drink. there is no way to make them extra hot, because they are as hot as possible already!

if you prefer to have your cream and sugar added for you, there are ways to do that too.

i promise, you'll have no problem if you order a red or black eye!

Ale8one said...

in the past i've gotten a grande (medium?) vanilla latte and ordered an extra shot. i think that sometimes confuses them, b/c the grande already has 2 shots in it right? they think i want a total of 2 not 3. but i want caffeine maximus.

in a medium sized drink (and i order vanilla b/c of the sugar since i add no additional sugar or cream, no whipped cream) what's the best bang (caffeine maximus!)?

Ale8one said...

in the past i've gotten a grande (medium?) vanilla latte and ordered an extra shot. i think that sometimes confuses them, b/c the grande already has 2 shots in it right? they think i want a total of 2 not 3. but i want caffeine maximus.

in a medium sized drink (and i order vanilla b/c of the sugar since i add no additional sugar or cream, no whipped cream) what's the best bang (caffeine maximus!)?

silversonic said...

Thank YOU, Barista Brat! I may now possess the confidence to enter a bux and place an order!!!!! I will let you know how it goes! I appreciate your 'translation'!

silversonic said...

P.S.
I answered your comment on my blog as well...

www.silversonic.blogspot.com

barista brat said...

ale8one - you're ordering a triple grande vanilla latte.
if you want even more caffeine maximus, you could order a quad grande vanilla roomy americano, then you could add some milk at the bar.

basically that's four shots of espresso diluted with some water and vanilla syrup. it's much stronger than a triple grande vanilla latte, but not as smoothe.

guerrilla blogger said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....thanks...

Anonymous said...

"that's nice," i said. "not all friends will pay for someone's frappuccino habit."
"well, he's my bitch," friend says. "gotta keep him happy!"
to which teenage boy screams out, "I'M NOT GAY!"

This makes me laugh so hard every time I read it. Seriously.